Romualdas Šemeta is an obstetrician gynaecologist doctor, the member of American and Russian Pre-and Perinatal Psychology and Health Associations, the President of Perinatal Psychology and Medical Association (Lithuania). He has 30 years of clinical practice. In 1988 in Kaunas, Lithuania, he founded the Health School for the Pregnant, the oldest functioning school in the Republic. In 1997, he was on probation with Michel Odenton, obstetrician-gynaecologist, the world-known advocate of natural birth (London). In 2007, he attended the World Congress of Perinatal Psychology and master class training courses held by the world-known expert Thomas R. Werner (Canada) and at the U.S. psychologist Barbara Findeisen.
Annotation of his book Giving Birth with a Smile
Why some women give birth naturally and easily, while others languish in childbirth? Is our mind able to answer this question? There are no boundaries of what every woman can achieve. We make boundaries in our own mind.
The book presents a different approach to the childbirth process, an introduction to Mental Childbirth Technique (MCT). Theoretical basis of MCT is the belief that birth, as well as any other physiological process, does not have any mandatory, congenital or hereditary anatomical and physiological causes of pain.
It is rather about avoidance of pain than about the methods of pain elimination in childbirth practices. The methods of neuro-linguistic programming, effective childbirth modelling according to one’s wish. The most important task of MCT is prevention of pain by removing the core – psychological – cause of pain, neutralizing wrong, negative attitudes.
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Excerpts from the book:
Psychological pregnant women’s characteristics
Effects of the pregnant women’s negative emotions on the child’s health
The roots of pre-natal violence
Philosophy of natural childbirth
The beginning of childbirth. With a smile
The first period of childbirth. Relaxation
The second period of childbirth. Exclusion
The third period of childbirth. Sensation of charm, enthusiasm
Water and childbirth
Causes of unsuccessful childbirth
Significance of communication between the mother and the child after the birth
Vitally important affection
Circumstances affecting the child’s mental health
Matrices of fate
The origin and reasons of the pain
attitude of history and religion
how pain occurs
causes of pain
fears before pregnancy
fears during pregnancy
how to overcome the fear
natural body regulation methods
anaesthesia during delivery
Another point of view towards development of life
Force of positive thinking
Mental childbirth technique
The practical part. Action program
Step 1. Specifically formulate and develop your goal
Step 2. Write down the goal
Step 3. Imagine your goal
Step 4. Determine what additional information you need
Step 5. Anticipate your first steps and begin to act
Step 6. Final term
Step 7. Be attentive, whether your actions are effective
Step 8. Be flexible when thinking and acting, change your tactics, if action give not result
Step 9. Note down all the benefits that you will gain reaching the goal
Step 10. Great wish, desire, confidence, perseverance and belief in success
The ability to take responsibility is one of the most important criteria for evaluation of the power and maturity of a personality.
Human desire for improvement has no limits. Perfection of other persons is always very compelling. By observing such people, we find something similar in ourselves: the deepest part of our personality is always aware that there is something more, something better that should be pursued. Whatever you would like to do or to have, whoever you would like to be, the desire for perfection is always a common feature of human nature.
If you are holding this book in your hands, it is no coincidence. It came to you in time. Reading the foreword, you will probably want to know what this book is about and whether it is necessary to you.
The questions are fair: there has been issued a lot of books about childbirth, you just need to choose what to read. This book will be useful to all pregnant women who want to give birth naturally and easily, with the best memories of the birth. If you think that everything is determined by fate, and women’s destiny is to give birth in agony, this book will change our opinion.
The true example of success is women who manage to focus their thinking and create perspective a natural, gentle birth. They are ready to reject the old negative attitudes towards childbirth suffering and find a suitable source of ideas, which leads them to the desired result – the dream childbirth, giving birth with a smile.
The works of physiology published in the sixth decade of the 20th century and awarded the Nobel Prize opened a new approach to the understanding of the human brain functioning principles. For example, evidence that two cerebral hemispheres act effectively as two independent systems changed understanding of human thinking and behaviour. Or the fact that the whole experience of life is recorded in our brain and can be available later changed our understanding of intuition, memory and the thinking process itself. The knowledge that the potential number of neuronal connections in the human brain is greater than the number of atoms in the Universe known to us enables us to ask: can this “little bundle of grey matter” be used in a much more efficient way? In short, the human brain gives us the base for evaluation for assessment of our abilities, ourselves and our environment on the highest level, because we have a great development potential, to achieve what we want. The scientific approach to this vital and interesting phenomenon – how to achieve what we want – has been developed. And most importantly, amazing results can be achieved within a very short period of time.
Women, who gave birth naturally and easily, often do not care about their level of ability. Furthermore, they often can not explain what exactly and how they are doing to achieve success. Their skills reach the level where the person is acting unconsciously. The athlete cares about winning the cup, but does not think about thousands of arm and feet movement nuances making them automatically. The same is happening while driving a car – at a critical moment, our hands, body and feet on the pedals perform many automatic movements, which embody our “unconscious mastery”.
If unconscious excellence is the ultimate goal in training of any skill or action, what should you start with? We do not know what exactly we do not know and what we would be able to do. This is especially true for young families expecting a baby. They have to continually deal with situations, they did not even suspect. However, you can leave the state of unrealised ignorance and move to the stage of clearly conceived knowledge.
Attempts to assimilate a new piece of knowledge or a skill shall rely on the perception that we are incompetent, and the belief that there is something we have not yet mastered. Having gained practical skills and knowledge, we get into the stage of learning the conscious behaviour. We already know that we can do something well and achieve great results.
The final stage is especially important for the preparation process. Having mastered the natural childbirth methods, you just stop thinking about what you do not know. You can do something, not even knowing exactly how you do it; you do not have to understand your actions. Women having mastered this method often can not explain it because it becomes a natural process for them. They do not even try to think about it.
The best example is a conversation with a woman who gave birth with a smile. If the question was asked after the birth of what exactly she did during her pregnancy, how she was preparing, she would have to think before answering. And if you asked, why she acted one way or another, a woman would answer that she just felt intuitively what to do and did it without thinking. Woman reaches such level of consciousness, when she is both physically and psychologically matures for motherhood. Being aware of the fact that a lot of unknown things, unassimilated skills are expecting her as a mother, she unconsciously tries to accumulate as much knowledge as she can. Having acquired a certain baggage of knowledge, she acts without thinking.
Human brain has no limits preventing it from acting in a similar manner. Such type of preparation utilises all the possibilities of the brain, both its conscious and subconscious parts using a variety of thinking strategies.
In our life, we sometimes face a one more significant problem when it comes to giving up anything. This is especially important for mastering of Mental Approach to Childbirth. Despite the fact that in the School of Health for the Pregnant we have been talking about a new delivery method for a long time and teach women how to give birth with a smile, we found that not all women believe it and not all are so keen to give birth in this way. It is not difficult to imagine, why. For thousands of years women have been asserted that childbirth is accompanied by suffering, that pain during labour and delivery is inevitable, etc. Women believe that unconsciously. They do not even imagine that they could give birth without pain without using drugs. So some of them just do not dare to talk about the new methodology so that would not to make fun of them, others simply do not believe such a possibility, therefore they are not preparing for it.
And often only after becoming familiar with this method in our courses, women in the next few months give up such old propositions, come to believe that pain during labour and delivery is unnecessary and assimilate new approaches. Therefore, everything depends on the stage of pregnancy, when women come to the workshops and learn about the new approach. And abandoning of old beliefs is very difficult.
And sometimes it happens that a woman is making our exercises with swarming subconscious thoughts about labour pains.
“… I was in a panic fear of a natural childbirth before the preparatory courses. It was scary to think about the pain, possible ruptures / cuts … Therefore I was determined to have a caesarean section to avoid all of my fears. However, my firm resolution not to give birth naturally was changed by the information heard at the courses. I became curious of giving birth naturally … I repeated the material how to give birth naturally and easily, I used to repeat at home for myself and the husband what and how to do, the whole birth process, breathing and massage exercises … The belief that I can give birth naturally and easily (I admit, I doubted about a smile) has completely changed my earlier intentions …”
(From a woman’s letters, language not edited)
The idea that a woman can give birth without suffering seems revolutionary, unacceptable to many people, therefore the majority of women still give birth with anaesthesia.
It is argued that pain shall be relieved and the woman shall not be allowed to suffer. One can agree with that statement. But why the issue of warning the emergence of pain is not addressed? According to the so-called “golden” cause-effect law of nature, pain is the consequence, but we are not talking about the cause. Certainly, when pathological phenomena occur, it is necessary to intervene in the birth process with all of modern obstetric capabilities.
Childbirth without pain is the most precious gift that people of our profession can offer women. If a painless birth is only achieved by intervening and disturbing a natural course of events, it is worth considering whether this is the only option.
Childbirth is a woman’s highest purpose. Perception and sensing of the beauty of this event is the supreme gift of not only for the mother, but for the whole family and the society. I understand that these days thousands women are inclined to give birth under such conditions as offered by “humane” measures of the twenty-first century. Those women will be the first to challenge any assumptions about the beauty of natural childbirth. And the women who understand the beauty of natural childbirth experience the joy that is like a gift for a natural childbirth.
Ultimately it’s up to you. You can get acquainted with the proven methods. They are based on the observation of thousands of people who achieved success. There is one condition – all the recommendations shall be complied with. Only you can decide to change, choose to think differently, and what way to give birth. It is time for moving the bar – to give up beliefs about limitations of ones potential and apply in practice the strategy of preparation for delivery, which gives excellent results.
In this book, I tell about the possibilities that will help each family expecting a baby and ready to use these possibilities to have a successful childbirth and raise a baby, and to develop new relationships within the family. First, of course, it will help you give birth naturally and easily. We will talk about that the most. And then, following the same principles, you will raise your baby and shape new parents’ relationship.
Do not forget that this book is based on real-natal women stories, written in their letters. Therefore, my task is to convey the truth that will explain what and how to do.
And now, before reading further, I would like to give a point of reference, the basic idea: all success in the life, including an easy delivery, starts with thinking about it.
Childbirth with a smile is a winning of a motivated woman, which previously seemed impossible. First, the idea about it shall be born, then motivation occurs, and then it starts working. Every healthy woman can give birth easily, as long as her actions are not contrary to the laws of nature. And the more there are women determined to challenge the well-established argument that childbirth must be accompanied by suffering, the faster we can help them escape from the oppressive fear of childbirth. Believing that it is feasible, it is not the same as dreaming. Woman’s dream of a successful and easy delivery will remain only a dream if she does nothing but dreaming. Believing is trying to make your dream come true by concrete actions.
We live in the twenty-first age of computers, mobile phones and other new technologies, and it seems difficult to surprise us. Now there is many detailed information about the childbirth methods, how to give birth without pain taking advantage of the latest pharmaceutical achievements. You have probably noticed that now most of people, starting with women and ending with doctors, are talking about the pain relief options during childbirth. Now women do not have to try to give birth: professionals do that for her. And she can read a newspaper during delivery, as one popular media advertised. After all, we keep hearing that these days suffering labour pain does not make sense.
So I say in advance: if you expect the book to give another method of anaesthesia of delivery and give birth while reading the newspaper, put this book aside and better read the magazines about an efficient labour analgesia. This book is for those women who want to discover potentialities of their bodies and reveal their innate abilities, to avoid the birth pains through creative self-realization and share experience of childbirth with a smile with other women, tell them that this is not a fantasy but a reality.
Well, if you did not put this book aside, then you do not want to believe in superstitions about the traumatic birth and believe deep in your soul in your dream childbirth. Therefore, we will begin the travel to the unlimited possibilities of human world without condemning those women who want to give birth under the twenty-first century’s technologies, and those who question childbirth with a smile.
The task of this book is to convey the experience of women who have realized the dream birth, and to show how to proceed.
This book is dedicated to all pregnant women, and I hope that you are one of them. Desire to give birth easily is likely to have encouraged you to take this book into your hands. This is the first step to success. The purpose of the book is to give you the opportunity to get rid of the old myths about the suffering of birth, so that childbirth would leave pleasant memories rather than suffering. If you follow the book recommendations, I have no doubt that the birth will give you pleasure, not suffering. All recommendations are simple, easy to carry out, and most importantly – quite effective. This book is designed so that at first you will become more familiar with natural childbirth, so that later you can use those forces, which are sleeping inside you. Let this book will give you inspiration for a different attitude towards the magical ability of your body to naturally and easily bring new life to the world.
Let’s leave aside all prejudices, and let’s talk, that may be it’s not immoral to think about the birth, which does not cause suffering to women, childbirth, the woman remembers with a smile and is proud to tell about. We will necessarily talk in the book about the woman who were craving for a different birth, will read their letters, which I have been collecting for many years, and will necessarily look into the reasons which led them and helped their dream childbirth come true. And you will see that this is not a fantasy but a reality.
You say that it’s easy to speak about, but how to achieve it? The answer to this question lies in three letters: NLP. It is now the most effective and most relevant direction of psychology – Neuro-Linguistic Programming (more details for NLP in Mental Delivery Methods).
Force, which leads you to a natural and easy birth, is your mind. The law that has been known long ago: if we are really ready to get something, we will get it for sure. Have a clear goal. You shall be persistent and dedicated to achieving your goal. Many women lose heart when a few steps are left to their goal: the get information they need, but, unfortunately, the lack the last stimulus to finalise it. Our brain and nervous system act like a computer. Therefore, this internal biological computer is able to direct our thoughts in the desired direction, to manage emotions. Think about what you want, and remove from your mind what you do not want. Think about your dream childbirth and delete from your head grave childbirth accompanied by suffering.
Knowing this mystery, a lot of women realized their dreams. Therefore, this book is about women who made use of it. The recipe, which allowed them to make their dream childbirth come true, has to reach other women and help them give birth without pain.
The method is based on physiology, psychology, anthropology, valeology and other sciences. Women should be seen as a single personality, with their physiology and psychology, rather than focusing only on certain body processes.
Try to look into the birth process differently than currently is accepted. Most of the risks and complications of childbirth could be avoided if the family is ready for delivery.
Having learned to direct your thinking, you will be able to do what you want: to achieve goals, overcome difficulties, to change your habits and find new opportunities. This means that you will teach your mind to actively work for you instead of leaving it to work on autopilot.
If you can determine exactly what you need to change, and you have means to achieve this, the results can be just wonderful. How do you imagine your target, for example, easy birth? Can you clearly see it? If you can not imagine your dream, how can you pursue it? If you do not know what you are seeking, how you will learn how to achieve this? If you are thinking positively, you have probably created a vivid picture of your childbirth. It is important not to give birth in any way, but in the way the most opportune for both you and your baby.
Finally, comes time for decision making. Deciding means doing. Only do not forget that there is a large gap between the desire (“I would like to give birth easily”) and the real solution to direct you to a specific purpose (“I am giving birth naturally and easily”). Most women find excuses as to why they have failed to achieve their dream of giving birth. You are different from other women not by knowing exactly what you want and how to do it, but by your decision to change and work under the new rules. If you want to give birth naturally and easily, you should make a firm decision. Unfortunately, most are too inert. You need to act consistently, go towards that goal in small steps every day, the most important is go continuously in the desired direction, keep practicing. Gather the necessary information and skills to meet the following program of action.
Currently, you have not only to decide what to do, but also to decide what is the most important to you, and what is not, what to give a greater attention, and what to leave for a later date. So the first step should be to decide what you believe, what you can easily meet (for example, to attend professional courses in preparation for giving birth, after which you will find out about the follow-up program). We should not forget the golden rule: if you do nothing, you achieve nothing. First you need to perform certain actions. Decide now to perform the first step towards the birth of your dreams – learn how present clear goals.
The world around us is expanding rapidly with the new information. Now we know more about the natural creature – a human being with his abilities and skills. We know how often women give birth in agony, but we do not know how a woman can give birth naturally without pain. We have extensive knowledge of human anatomy, but talk very little and pay too little attention to the emotions of pregnant woman and women giving birth. We know that women often suffer pain during childbirth, but we do not know why this pain is necessary, and whether it is necessary at all. We know what to do if the woman giving birth is in pain, but we do not know what you should do to avoid pain and should use a “friendly” anaesthetic.
So, apparently, this book is an attempt to learn more and to disclose the secret of the birth, which essentially is not a secret. The book should be seen as a little recipe that all pregnant women can use to understand where is the essence of the birth process, find out what is the sense of their expectations, to understand what they are now and what they will be, when the baby is born.
Instead of living in fear and stress during pregnancy, try to find out what easy birth with pleasant memories means to you and your baby. And if you experience the childbirth you dreamed about, talk to other women what you did as to make your dreams come true. Help them to dispel the myths about labour pains – they are still popular and most of women certainly believe them.
If you have decided to give birth in advance, by caesarean section – after reading this book you can understand your mistake. If you decide to give birth under anaesthesia – read it and you start to think differently, look differently to birth. And if you decide to give birth naturally, you will learn how to avoid mistakes, not to compromise the natural course of labour. Every woman has the right, and can give birth naturally and easily, with pleasure, and not to remember the horrors of the baby coming into this world. I feel that it is not easy to believe. When you carefully read the whole book, I think your opinion will change. And most importantly – learn to trust yourselves, your capabilities.
Every woman wants to give birth easily and quickly. In this book you will read stories of women who have experienced what they wanted. Probably you have already noticed the optimistic title of the book? This is a call to action. We are backed by a simple fact that any woman (any!) can dramatically change and improve her delivery as she wants.
To understand and apply this book to yourself, you need just two things: an elementary understanding of and desire. And some humour, which in this period is very desirable.
What inspired us to write this book? The idea arose from the rapidly growing number of epidural analgesia and caesarean sections, where a large number of women are unable to give birth naturally, the analysis and perception of the essence of natural birth process. It is the summary of thirty years of clinical practice, more than twenty years of young families’ preparation for childbirth experience, continuous contacts with young families, observations, reflections and recommendations. Of all the answers presented to me by hundreds of sources, the only truth stuck in the head that gives the birth process significance. Its essence is this: birth is a vision that depends on what degree of maturation the family is in by creating and releasing new life into the world. The more responsible is your approach to this process, the clearer and wider will be yours and your baby’s life horizons. You will learn to see much more than you now think is possible. So enjoy the trip and the way it will lead you. It’s strange and interesting that sometimes the length is less than the distance between just two of your thoughts.
Wishing you success in pregnancy and childbirth may be banal. I wish to make your pregnancy, birth and raising of a small person, development of his personality meaningful.